The Career is Built on Some No-s, Not Only Yes-es?
My first thought when I hear the word “no” is the historic “no” of Tito (or “nyet” in Russian) typed on a typewriter on a white A4 sheet of paper to Stalin in 1948, regarding the vision of an independent Yugoslavia that determines its own path, while Stalin firmly wanted control over all socialist countries. Life coaches and wise men say that “no” is a complete sentence, and it’s not that they’re wrong; it conveys the message. Aside from such “no’s” throughout history that came at a high cost in the context of business and working environments under the boot of autocracy, for a long time, any form of negation or refusal of any aspect that did not align with values or personality, even when assertively stated, would already create a hostile or adversarial atmosphere based on the principle: if you’re not with me, you’re against me.
In this context, I feel sorry that in psychotherapy, patients always receive feedback that the right to choose is everyone’s right, regardless of bank account, social status, marital status, that they are not worth less because of it, and that it is okay to lose those who cannot accept their boundaries. Yet, reality and everyday life contradict this, as they must survive in an environment with people who live a life full of prejudices, convictions, and beliefs that shape their perspective on the world, completely different from how it should be in a healthy society.
The forms of democracy today, the degree of acceptance, and the measures would be worth debating, because as I write this, in certain parts of the world, basic human rights necessary for a minimum dignified life are being violated and taken away, just as all forms of perversion in the name of that same democracy are allowed due to the right to personal expression, choice, and existence, which are equally harmful as the former. There is also another form of false and illusory democracy in countries that, by their definition and practices, are supposed to be advanced in democracy. Satisfied or not, we can certainly conclude that compared to periods 30-40 years ago and beyond, democracy has indeed come to the forefront, and today things are more or less different. The reason for mentioning it is that democracy has enabled the right to say “no” even in business environments.
No as such also comes with the art of conversation, as well as with healthy personalities.
A long time ago, while studying for an exam in psychology, I learned that personality type determines leadership style.
It should be kept in mind that you can encounter all the aforementioned situations on two levels: from a leadership position and as an employee, and thus the challenges may be greater or smaller. As an employee, you have protection because there is someone who should care about culture, practices, atmosphere, and methods, which is HR. However, in leadership positions and levels above, you are left to fend for yourself, and guiding principles may come from books like Napoleon’s The Art of War. In both cases, if your personality is not one that is quick to anger, holds grudges, assigns excessive importance to everything, to every word and gesture, and immediately wants to respond or comment, this will provide a solid foundation for dealing with boundaries, someone else’s “no,” and earning many “yes’s” from people.
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