5 Languages of Love – Founders, Managers, Executives
Reading a book during my student days by the American psychologist Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages, when the biggest relationship problems seemed to arise from not speaking the same love language as your partner, making mutual understanding unlikely, I reflect on how line managers and all levels above them in professional relationships also have multiple “languages” through which they value their employees—not just one universal standard or, unfortunately, sometimes none at all. In his book, he writes about words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, physical touch, and acts of service as love languages. Translated into a business context and environment, these would be: Positive feedback and compliments, Commitment and attention, Awards and recognitions, Practical help and support, Symbols of respect. The term “love language” should be replaced with “language of respect” or “language of appreciation,” as they are more suitable for this context. Since our personalities are rarely separate from our professional lives, and we inevitably bring our nature into the workplace, as Winston Churchill said, “You can fool all the people some of the time, some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time,” the way you treat people in private is, to a certain extent, complementary to how you behave at work.
Founders
Founders typically lead by example and often demonstrate words of affirmation through public acknowledgment of team members’ achievements. They are likely to provide praise, express gratitude, and encourage open communication. For instance, a founder might take the time to send a personal thank-you message or give a shout-out in a meeting when an employee has contributed significantly. These affirmations help employees feel valued and recognized, contributing to a positive work environment where individuals are motivated to perform at their best. Founders often use words as tools to inspire and drive the company’s culture, creating an atmosphere where respect and appreciation are core values.
Executives
Executives show acts of service through their leadership style by actively removing roadblocks and providing the resources necessary for the success of their teams. Whether through securing funding, allocating manpower, or negotiating key partnerships, they demonstrate a deep commitment to ensuring the success of their organization by taking tangible actions. For example, an executive might step in to resolve a conflict, offer support in securing important resources, or ensure that teams have the technology and tools they need to excel. By making these sacrifices and taking proactive steps to alleviate challenges, executives build trust and loyalty within their teams, showing they are willing to do whatever it takes to support the people driving the company’s success.
Managers
Managers show quality time through their active involvement in the team’s growth and development. They prioritize one-on-one meetings with employees to provide guidance, discuss personal goals, and ensure team members’ voices are heard. By dedicating time to listen to concerns, offer feedback, and share knowledge, managers help employees feel supported and understood. This investment in time allows managers to build trust and rapport with their team, demonstrating that they care not only about results but also about the individuals behind them. Regular check-ins and collaborative project work are examples of how managers engage with their teams, reinforcing their commitment to fostering growth and a sense of belonging.
Beyond the ways that are closely tied to a specific role in which they express, support, and develop team members, there is what the human resources department has defined as part of a broader compensation and benefits strategy and career development, meaning that the language is both conditioned and already predefined. However, what makes the difference is authenticity in expression, beyond the established templates that have already been misused, old, boring, and forcefully imposed.
In working with clients and leaders, if we are not directly responsible for the strategy and do not influence the direction, we always recommend that a combination of multiple languages is beneficial, and for several reasons. Today, people have a lot of accessible material to get familiar in form they prefer, and with the natural tendency for everything to progress, previous methods are quickly replaced by new ones. With the pace and tendencies of rapid changes, expectations are created among people, where appetites inevitably grow. Additionally, people are emotionally and intuitively more literate, so they can easily detect insincerity, recognize when something is being done just for show, and when you don’t truly care.
The well-known Italian doctor and educator, Maria Montessori, said, “Praise the children, they will grow.” Although it may seem to us that we are always dealing with adults and professionals who leave emotions at the door or aside, being rational and logical beings when it comes to work, reality shows us otherwise.
If you look a bit closer, there are double standards when it comes to emotions. Positive emotions like laughter, joy, and optimism are supported, while emotions like anger and nervousness, for example, are not. Both types of emotions allow us to achieve what we want. Also, business deals are not always made because you are objectively the best in the category, but because, beyond business motives, someone finds you pleasant to work with and feels comfortable due to your support.
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